Whether you're currently dating, or it's been a while, you've probably been on the receiving end of this advice from your girlfriends at some point.
"Don't settle!"
"When you know, you know."
"You'll find someone when you stop looking."
"Sometimes things just don't work out. I'm sorry."
Your friends tell you these things because they want the best for you. They know you deserve a true partner who values, cherishes, and respects you.
I may not know your romantic relationship status, but as a women's personal stylist and wardrobe consultant, I've worked with many women who would select "It's complicated" if asked to give a Facebook relationship status for their closet.
You deserve a wardrobe that works for you and to feel self-assured about your personal style. The good news is that when it comes to your personal style, you're in control. After all, you're not going to ghost yourself - are you?
The next time you're feeling uncertain or struggling with your relationship with your wardrobe or personal style, here's some girlfriend advice:
Don't settle! Getting dressed is more than covering your physical body with clothing. What we wear is the first signal we send to those we're meeting with and can provide us with (emotional) protection and strength when we feel uncertain. Don't buy pieces you don't feel 100% confident wearing. Take time to learn how to style your wardrobe.
When you know, you know. Yes, BUT there's more to it than that. Even when a piece feels right, don't skip asking yourself these important questions:
Do I already own this item? We often unintentionally buy identical or extremely similar pieces.
Does this piece work with my current lifestyle? It doesn't make sense to buy "the perfect cocktail dress" when you haven't needed one in 5 years and don't have an event on the horizon. The idea that "the event will find you" feels romantic; the reality is the dress will end up unworn in the back of your closet.
Is this compatible with other pieces in my wardrobe? If you have to buy more to make the piece work, think twice.
Can you create different looks with the item? By thinking of multiple ways to wear an item on the front end, you're creating versatility in your wardrobe (and saving yourself time in the future).
You'll find something when you stop looking. I have no idea why this is true for both dresses and dating. I don't make the rules and I'm just as stuck with them as you are. It must have to do with feeling the pressure to find something. That's why it's critical to add intentionally to your wardrobe using the 4 questions outlined above.
Sometimes things just don't work out. Whether you made a purchase you regret or struggle to accept a particular item no longer works for you, life is too short to dwell on an item of clothing. Take a beat and figure out how to avoid making a similar mistake in the future. Grieve the loss you feel for the moment in time when the item was your favorite. Let the item go or put it in a place where you won't face it on a daily basis.
Our relationship with our personal style can be complex! We are ever-changing and evolving and life often feels too chaotic to fully focus on anything. At the same time, getting dressed each day in a way that feels authentic is a small act of self-love. For that reason alone, it's worth it to work on your relationship with your personal style.
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